I Commit

5 -18- 2020

Sometimes you just might not know what might last forever. 

Two years ago I was handed a yellow napkin with  a reference to a verse scrawled out in large hand-written letters. A man who I had just met and have long forgotten his name was at a table with me and some old family friends. As conversations in such situations have a way of going, I was the youngest at the round circle and suddenly became the talk of the table. I don't know how it happens; suddenly you're trying to sum up what your life is consisting of and where it's headed. In my situation also with simultaneous confidence having just been up all night with a new baby and now trying to socialize with the same effects of not feeling like I had adequate, real answers. 

The exact words and story are a little fuzzy, but I remember that man coming around to my side of the table, kneeling down, and placing the napkin in front of me. He told me of his own story of test-taking and how the odds were for whatever reason stacked against him, yet he claimed this verse and knew it would be alright, regardless. I took that napkin with me that day and have kept it in the middle console of my car until today. As random neglected items in that middle compartment have a way of doing, they periodically resurface, usually with a couple other things you've forgotten got stashed there. Over the years, I've periodically gotten a quick sighting or seen the corner of yellow come close to the top and have been reminded again what or who it is that I'm doing much of my pursuits for and am encouraged again to keep going. But really, I've kept it there this whole time, just waiting for it's time to shine. Waiting all for this week. It has lived in my car for two years, just trusting and hoping I would get to this point and would again need it. I've been studying for a big test, the kind with a magnitude that the last three years of your life could basically be counted null and void if you don't somehow manage to pass. Which is not going to be the case of course....

Proverbs 16:3. That's all that napkin says. But it has bigger meaning than that because that verse reads, "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." And I'm humbled and I'm scared, yet I'm honored and I'm hopeful. As I used to think, and what I felt like other versions of this verse also read, that if I committed my works, like the things I did-probably the big things- that my plans would be established, ya know, that somehow all my plans would be blessed and somehow just work out, no matter what my true motive was. Which isn't exactly the case. It's also so much better. If I choose to commit, whatever I do - to the Lord- then He's all about bringing about a plan that is birthed from that. And maybe it looks nothing like the plan. But it's all okay because I would way rather have my Jesus writing the story and adventure plans. Surely it's better than what I could try to contrive up myself. 

We have this view of failure that sometimes lacks an adequate definition. Like in relationships, for example: if I were to start seriously dating a guy and I/he/we decided to end the relationship, it's counted as a failure. Why is that? My future intentions of a relationship are to see if that's what the good Lord would have...and if it ends and it's decided that's not what is best, that's actually a success, not a failure. I guess I don't know why more of life isn't seen as that, ya know? Just because something ends, changes, you don't win, maybe it's not always a failure, or even greater: maybe you're not a failure. You can bet your britches that I'm trying my hardest to become a midwife over here and really, really, trying not to fail. However, I think God is able to see it as more than that. He's able to help me pass, sure! I've definitely asked for prayer for that and would appreciate prayer for that even, but He's also there if it all crumbles and I feel like I've messed up big time. The first step in coming to peace with that is COMMITMENT, though.

This isn't the only thing that this applies to. There have been a series of things recently that I've been scared to tell people. Because just mayybee it seemed a little too big, or that if I said it out loud it was a little too real. We can question things when it comes to commitment, like, did God really tell me that? Do I really feel like this is what I'm supposed to do? Maybe it's not actually going to work out...I'm the queen of trying to hide from commitments. For instance, I laugh about my denial to sign up for a contract with my cell phone plan because you don't have a way out and I never know what might happen in this crazy life of mine! ha. There's a lot bigger things though that God wants to do with us, but if we're not willing to commit, we don't get to see it through. That should bring hope, not despair. When I commit, He has the power to do whatever He wants to do, and can make my failures even into successes. I'm banking on that this week. I've had to commit this over and over and now here I am on the brink of it all. In the eyes of everyone looking on, this test could make me or break me. I'll hold it out to Him and say I've done my part, you can do with it whatever You want to do. I want to stand on that. 

Jesus gives us more than enough to build on. Colossians 2:6-7 says, "Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude." I can be rooted and established in all of His love (Eph.3:17), in His truth, and I can let my roots down deep and my life firmly established in Him, through Him, for Him. I commit. He establishes. Brings it to be. Builds it up. Places it beyond doubt. That gives confidence. To not be shaken. I can count on Jesus 100% of the time, so I can commit 100% of the time. 

   

As of last encouragement, you don't always know what will last. I doubt that man thought I'd keep a napkin for two years. So walk in Him, friends. Overflow with His good plans, you might not know just what might last forever.