For all the days after

Build up, climax, crash. We’ve all been through it. Even Christmas Day! With all the anticipation and excitement; I dare say, nobody likes the day after. The days after are hard. When the answers don’t come, the healing doesn’t come, the good times gone, the adrenaline ceases. The days after car accidents, the day after break ups, the day after goodbyes, or worse, loss, the day after birth. You probably have some number of them. 

So what do we do with all the days after? I’ve struggled with the days after. I have a hard time with the day of, knowing the day after is coming. It sounds incredibly ridiculous, oh how I know. Probably why I’m always the last one to leave. I remember sitting on my back porch on a warm spring day, the days after my car accident almost three years ago. I felt like I had been hit by a bus, I mean I kinda had, just not quite to that extent. But the day before I had been nothing but thankful. The days after brought the harsh realities of my condition and it was much harder to maintain. I cried. I was frustrated. I felt cheated in more ways than one. I was scared. I was unsure how I’d come out. I was trying to prepare myself for what life might look like. I felt alone (Felt. Supported. But alone). 

What’s crazy is that I had a concussion and yet somehow those back porch sitting days I can remember like they were yesterday. Don’t ask me what the audio books I was listening to were about or the conversations I had. Sometimes you remember the days after better than the days of and that feels a little wrong. Why would it be that way? Maybe the days we live in between really do shape us. Maybe events come in and alter our lives, but we get to respond and decide the shape of our shaping. I could still cry about those conversations with Jesus. About the ways I did respond positively and the ways I responded negatively. I wish I could say I did it all right, but it’s not often that way. You think, really, just one day of your life changed you? Yes. And many others, too. One day. And the many days after. 

I know I’ve said it before, but: How we live our days, is how we live our lives. 

And those days after I’m still living. You don’t stop living them. Other good or bad days come in and out, but it’s always a result of the ones before. As my failed cartwheel attempt would prove today. I used to do cartwheels a lot. Now, majority of the time, a rib pops out. Someday, I know my Jesus is going to heal it and keep it in place because He’s touched everything else, but for now, it’s a reminder of all the days before. Of all the days He has gotten me through, of the headaches he made disappear, the sleepless nights I don’t deal with (after chiropractors and physical therapists told me they didn’t know why the pain was still there), the repercussions of a head injury gone(though I would still like to use the excuse occasionally;), the perseverance that’s built character, and character, hope. The friends that didn’t give up even though I didn’t know I was as bad off as I was, the love of all that I was that I had to hand over and say, even still I will praise you. 

I know He has a good plan for my day. He takes delight in every part of my day. So I don’t give up. There will be better days and maybe even worse days. But we can go forward. Tomorrow will be another day after, another day to look back and see what God has done or gotten you through. Don’t give up. In fact, be persistent. To cling to hope, to not give up on healing, to know a blessed assurance that Jesus is yours. This is my story. Praising my savior all the day long, and long after.