What I didn’t know I needed

 In several settings this week, a discussion over dinner, a topic question with church members, life circumstances that made it come to mind, I’ve thought much about my kind husband. We were asked to use one word to describe our spouse, asked what drew us to each other, and felt absolutely miserable laying crying in bed one night(and yes, as the midwife I am trying hard to find answers to my crazy period hormones, but haven’t hit the answer yet). All of that has prompted me to write. That stirring that you have to say something. Anything. Because I’m brought to thankfulness that I get this man for my own to have and to hold, or like this week, I’m the one being held in the dark in bed with tears and snot coming down because migraines and cramps and just all the overwhelming pain. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to commend, but also push others to look for these qualities. For both: all you ladies out there to find it within yourselves to look for the gentleness and kindness in a man, and for the men to learn gentleness and kindness. I can tell you now that it matters a great deal. It matters who you marry. It matters who you are. 

I had several qualities that I was looking for, I had heard numerous things to look for in a man. But I can’t say that I ever thought to look for gentleness. When quickly looking up a definition for gentleness, I came across such words as soft, chivalrous, kind, tender, not harsh. A woman needs that, regardless of how tough you think you are, how independently inclined, how much you don’t feel needy. Let me tell you, it does you well. Quickly followed by patience. 

After that night in bed, I woke up the next morning to this message written on the bathroom mirror: 

“Even when you don’t feel it…you are so beautiful. Sorry you feel like crap. Love you always.”

Affirming me, when he knew I needed it. Expressing his tenderness. And being there. Always those going together. Speaking life, holding my needs, in it with me. And I know that’s what I’ll always have. No matter the situation. And that, folks, is why it matters so dang much. Tender, patient, there. Sure, frustrations are sure to come. But even in points that I’m sure we’ll some day disagree. I know he’s not inclined to anger, I know that he continues to think of my good, I know that he’s not going anywhere. In the youth group days, I was given the definition of gentleness as, using just enough force to get the job done. Because there has been and will be days that he is charged to make decisions and that’s important. But I know that I can trust him. In the largest life decisions that we have yet to make together recently, I didn’t have an answer, I didn’t feel inclined in one way or the other, so I had to resign and say, “I trust God and I trust you.” Because of the man he is, he makes that easy. A gentle leader. Maybe you didn’t know you needed that either. 

Much love, Mrs. Quilla