To be Real
As part of my upcoming program, I was asked to submit a picture and bio of myself. I laugh, for multiple reasons, but my first thought whenever I have to do things like this is, what does one say about themselves? I'm also always tempted to have somebody else do it for me...maybe that's what I should have done! But wouldn't that be more appropriate? Then, as soon as I start writing, I have this inner turmoil. How much of this am I saying to make myself sound good and how much of this is truly me at the core? How much time do I spend merely trying to impress others? And then isn't that kind of what they want in some ways? Why else would they ask you to write about yourself. Or is this some kind of test, reverse psychology maybe? Ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but really... have you gotten the point?
I feel like often I've forgotten how to be real. But I wish this was just me, I'm afraid this is a much bigger problem, I think most of you, our culture, has spent so much time trying to be something else, that we've forgotten how to be real. I mean just look at our social media accounts, filters galore, and definitely only the best and exciting pictures of our lives make the cut.
A few days back I randomly came across another blog post that had some wording that I so connected with. It was described as "Our Kitchen-Table Selves", who we are when it's just us, comfortable, vulnerable, true, real. I don't know her, but she gave me permission to use her words here (underlining mine):
"My kitchen-table self is constantly inside of me. It exists and pleads to come out in all moments, comfortable and awkward. But when I am in a new environment or settled in moments of weakness, I am far more prone to pull out my dining room-table self; She is far less clever, sloppy, caring, approachable, curious, real and honest. She pretty much sucks. I wouldn’t long to know her but she and I are one when I choose to follow fear and anxiety instead of boldness and vulnerability. Our kitchen table self is exactly who we were designed to be, hearty laughs, bad jokes and all. We are not designed to sit still at the table, attempting to come off as perfect or put together....I think coming as we are, as our kitchen-table selves, looks like coming with untied shoes, messy hair, stories that can include embarrassment, shirt stains and the willingness to simply be seen.
...The thing is, it’s incredibly easy to be your dining room-table self. It’s disgustingly easy... It’s easier because it is further away from courage. But in the same breath, how exhausting is it to keep showing up as something you are not? After you have done it for enough months or years, you are just wanting to run upstairs, throw on your baggy jeans and chili stained shirt and come back to the party as your true self. Our default setting is to come not as we are, but as we want to be seen, because our hearts were designed for human connection but what we have all wrong is that fabricated perfection leads to connection when truly, human fault, vulnerability, laughter and genuineness lead to connection like no other."
Howdy! I'm Hannah, known by multiple other names, but that will have to do for now. I'm a cowboy boot wearing, coffee drinking, born-and-raised small town Oregon girl. I'm a ridiculous small group leader, a daughter to missionaries, sister to three of the best older brothers a girl could ask for, and an auntie to two of my favorite littles. I have a dislike for small talk and have great respect for those that are real and live life with others well. I love breakfast burritos, cinnamon, analogies, mountains, hugs and forehead kisses, adventure, beauty, and saying yes to Jesus. In that, He's told me to ask for more of Himself, to show me who He really is.
The last three years have been some of the hardest, craziest, most incredible, glorious, confusing, and lesson producing years yet. My parents moved nations away in obedience and here I've been managing this big house of theirs, I somehow made it through college debt-free, earned a degree, got certified, and worked as a medical assistant for a year, quit my job, reprioritized life, planned on, but didn't feel now was the time to go back. Now here I am holding onto Jesus's hand, pursuing midwifery! My biggest fear and greatest dream. And I have absolutely no idea what the plan is after that, but that's okay.
I feel like often I've forgotten how to be real. But I wish this was just me, I'm afraid this is a much bigger problem, I think most of you, our culture, has spent so much time trying to be something else, that we've forgotten how to be real. I mean just look at our social media accounts, filters galore, and definitely only the best and exciting pictures of our lives make the cut.
A few days back I randomly came across another blog post that had some wording that I so connected with. It was described as "Our Kitchen-Table Selves", who we are when it's just us, comfortable, vulnerable, true, real. I don't know her, but she gave me permission to use her words here (underlining mine):
"My kitchen-table self is constantly inside of me. It exists and pleads to come out in all moments, comfortable and awkward. But when I am in a new environment or settled in moments of weakness, I am far more prone to pull out my dining room-table self; She is far less clever, sloppy, caring, approachable, curious, real and honest. She pretty much sucks. I wouldn’t long to know her but she and I are one when I choose to follow fear and anxiety instead of boldness and vulnerability. Our kitchen table self is exactly who we were designed to be, hearty laughs, bad jokes and all. We are not designed to sit still at the table, attempting to come off as perfect or put together....I think coming as we are, as our kitchen-table selves, looks like coming with untied shoes, messy hair, stories that can include embarrassment, shirt stains and the willingness to simply be seen.
...The thing is, it’s incredibly easy to be your dining room-table self. It’s disgustingly easy... It’s easier because it is further away from courage. But in the same breath, how exhausting is it to keep showing up as something you are not? After you have done it for enough months or years, you are just wanting to run upstairs, throw on your baggy jeans and chili stained shirt and come back to the party as your true self. Our default setting is to come not as we are, but as we want to be seen, because our hearts were designed for human connection but what we have all wrong is that fabricated perfection leads to connection when truly, human fault, vulnerability, laughter and genuineness lead to connection like no other."
It saddens me that we were made to be us, but spend so much time trying to be somebody else. I've happened to have a couple conversations about this in one way or another in the last couple weeks. I've talked about how refreshing it is when someone truly is themselves, whether that comes out via blogs, social media, or heaven forbid in person! And how much of an impact it can be when someone is willing to share their life openly and honestly with others. We crave down to earth relationships and interactions. I've also talked about how important open and vulnerable relationships are. Take me and my best friends for instance, we haven't gotten where we are by happenstance. True depth comes from true vulnerability. We've gotten here because we have been real and open, we've freely shared the dirt and grime of our lives, our struggles, our victories, our love. That word- LOVE. I don't think we can truly, really, deeply love unless we let our "kitchen table selves" come out. Unless we give up the picture perfect act and come and sit down at a the kitchen table, maybe even a little bit messy table and hand them a chipped coffee mug? And come simply. Just you, as you are. Isn't that what Jesus did? Dear you, I don't think we realize just how much influence and input we give up in order to put on an act. We get to show up. Live life. Be here, now. No filter, fancy clothes, or clean house needed.
I truly think that every craving or longing we have in our hearts can be pointed back to Jesus, I'm still thinking through this one, but know this: Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever! He did the ultimate showing up. He loves you just as you are, and invites you to the table. He is waiting for you to be who He made you to be, if you don't know who that is, will you ask Him to show you?
...Are you curious what I wrote about myself? Well, here's to being open, ha! I hope I was real. This is me:
The last three years have been some of the hardest, craziest, most incredible, glorious, confusing, and lesson producing years yet. My parents moved nations away in obedience and here I've been managing this big house of theirs, I somehow made it through college debt-free, earned a degree, got certified, and worked as a medical assistant for a year, quit my job, reprioritized life, planned on, but didn't feel now was the time to go back. Now here I am holding onto Jesus's hand, pursuing midwifery! My biggest fear and greatest dream. And I have absolutely no idea what the plan is after that, but that's okay.
Thank you so much for this Hannah! Right on! 👍🏻
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