ALIVE
Some moments it catches me. That I'm walking this life in half-hearted stupor. Like this morning, I woke to pain and congested sinuses, didn't really care what flavor of breakfast I robotically placed in my mouth. I did manage to find the only place in the house however with just a slit of sunshine. I wanted to feel it's warmth, maybe somehow it would charger me like a solar battery. And then it caught up with me again. I knew this is not how I want to live from day to day, no matter how I currently feel.
And so I remember what does make me feel alive and think on those things.
I feel alive when the sun's warmth lands on me and makes me feel it, not just see it.
I feel alive when the stars at night catch my breath.
I feel alive when I realize again and again how sweet my Jesus is and how He speaks to me.
I feel alive when Holy Spirit tells me to go and it's just what someone else needed.
I feel alive when I submit my taxes yet another year running of my adult life and clearly know that I didn't make enough this year (or the last five) to pay for the amount I spent on my credit card(payed off), or that I should even be alive, yet somehow my Father watches over me more than the sparrows.
I feel alive when I say good bye to my parents who have left for another year of pressing in to the Lord's goodness in faraway lands, and know that I want to be just like them.
I feel alive when my best friend and I have taken turns praying for each other because life is incredibly beautiful, and messy, and just how it should be.
I feel alive when it's a clear January morning and I can see the sun bouncing off Mount Hood and mount Jefferson, both snow capped.
I feel alive when I get to work with my hands and create from scraps to savored.
I feel alive when my feet feel the warmth from heaven as I put on fuzzy, warm, wool socks.
I feel alive when I worship without inhibitions.
I feel alive when I get to write these words.
I feel alive after successfully putting chains on my car for the first time.
I feel alive when I read the Psalms through news eyes and realize that I'm getting to peek into David's journal, his heart poetry.
I feel alive when I get to witness my friends become parents with the very first breath of life.
I feel alive when I get to take part in really random small parts of teenage boys' lives, because they've invited me into it.
I feel alive when I see my friends living their dreams, knowing they've prayed(and I've prayed) for those exact things for years.
I feel alive when I see the last moments of the sunset, knowing I could have missed it.
I feel alive when my dad and I trudge up rolling gravel roads with weighted packs, and catch his larger than life grin.
I feel alive when I'm made to feel younger.
I feel alive when I'm inspired by somebody's life story.
I feel alive when I do a cartwheel in unexpected open pathways.
I feel alive when I get to do something for somebody else, and they never know it was me.
I feel alive when I laugh and can't stop.
I feel alive when I name another succulent.
I feel alive when I think I hear my nephews say my name for the first time.
I feel alive when true community exists.
I feel alive when when others include me in their family, invite me into their blood.
I feel alive when I feel God's heart for others.
I feel alive when I cry over an adoption/foster story.
I feel alive when I paint with a very special boy with an extra chromosome for the time.
I feel alive when I turn my phone off for the weekend.
I feel alive when I get to hold a born-today baby.
I feel alive when I spend an hour praying, listening, waiting.
I feel alive when I eat dark chocolate.
I feel alive when I buy a pineapple.
I feel alive when I make up my own recipe and somebody asks for it.
I feel alive when I feel alive when my burdens are lifted (by the God who daily bears them).
I feel alive when I leave my hair down all day and just don't care.
I feel alive when I play the song for this season over and over again.
I feel alive when I make heart connections.
I feel alive when you receive phone calls and not just texts.
I feel alive when I ask God what He wants to do today, and do that.
I feel alive when there's joy in the morning.
I feel alive when I tell my Jesus that I just want to think on what is good, perfect, lovely, true, right, life-giving, bright, fresh, divine, and He gives me all this.
And so I remember what does make me feel alive and think on those things.
I feel alive when the sun's warmth lands on me and makes me feel it, not just see it.
I feel alive when the stars at night catch my breath.
I feel alive when I realize again and again how sweet my Jesus is and how He speaks to me.
I feel alive when Holy Spirit tells me to go and it's just what someone else needed.
I feel alive when I submit my taxes yet another year running of my adult life and clearly know that I didn't make enough this year (or the last five) to pay for the amount I spent on my credit card(payed off), or that I should even be alive, yet somehow my Father watches over me more than the sparrows.
I feel alive when I say good bye to my parents who have left for another year of pressing in to the Lord's goodness in faraway lands, and know that I want to be just like them.
I feel alive when my best friend and I have taken turns praying for each other because life is incredibly beautiful, and messy, and just how it should be.
I feel alive when it's a clear January morning and I can see the sun bouncing off Mount Hood and mount Jefferson, both snow capped.
I feel alive when I get to work with my hands and create from scraps to savored.
I feel alive when my feet feel the warmth from heaven as I put on fuzzy, warm, wool socks.
I feel alive when I worship without inhibitions.
I feel alive when I get to write these words.
I feel alive after successfully putting chains on my car for the first time.
I feel alive when I read the Psalms through news eyes and realize that I'm getting to peek into David's journal, his heart poetry.
I feel alive when I get to witness my friends become parents with the very first breath of life.
I feel alive when I get to take part in really random small parts of teenage boys' lives, because they've invited me into it.
I feel alive when I see my friends living their dreams, knowing they've prayed(and I've prayed) for those exact things for years.
I feel alive when I see the last moments of the sunset, knowing I could have missed it.
I feel alive when my dad and I trudge up rolling gravel roads with weighted packs, and catch his larger than life grin.
I feel alive when I'm made to feel younger.
I feel alive when I'm inspired by somebody's life story.
I feel alive when I do a cartwheel in unexpected open pathways.
I feel alive when I get to do something for somebody else, and they never know it was me.
I feel alive when I laugh and can't stop.
I feel alive when I name another succulent.
I feel alive when I think I hear my nephews say my name for the first time.
I feel alive when true community exists.
I feel alive when when others include me in their family, invite me into their blood.
I feel alive when I feel God's heart for others.
I feel alive when I cry over an adoption/foster story.
I feel alive when I paint with a very special boy with an extra chromosome for the time.
I feel alive when I turn my phone off for the weekend.
I feel alive when I get to hold a born-today baby.
I feel alive when I spend an hour praying, listening, waiting.
I feel alive when I eat dark chocolate.
I feel alive when I buy a pineapple.
I feel alive when I make up my own recipe and somebody asks for it.
I feel alive when I feel alive when my burdens are lifted (by the God who daily bears them).
I feel alive when I leave my hair down all day and just don't care.
I feel alive when I play the song for this season over and over again.
I feel alive when I make heart connections.
I feel alive when you receive phone calls and not just texts.
I feel alive when I ask God what He wants to do today, and do that.
I feel alive when there's joy in the morning.
I feel alive when I tell my Jesus that I just want to think on what is good, perfect, lovely, true, right, life-giving, bright, fresh, divine, and He gives me all this.
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