All That Matters

Somehow sudden losses, or major events in life have a way of bringing out more of what you want your life to be about. It was amazing, literally instantly I had no tolerance for the things that didn't matter. All the sudden so many things seemed petty. When life was hanging in the balance, friends were gone, other things were rather abruptly put in their place. I could no longer scroll Facebook, because nothing was of any significance; it didn't actually matter if I never saw any of it. Rather unhealthfully, I found myself zoning out of small talk kind of conversations, almost getting annoyed when people seemed to make things bigger than what I thought they should be (that doesn't give me any excuse, but it did make me think quite a bit about the things I talk about).

I just want my life to matter. I also just don't want the things that don't matter. It's crazy to me the way that God preps us ahead of time. I wrote this back in January, and when I just read it again this week, I felt like I could have written it right now in this season of the year:
"Here I am. Ready to start over. Ready to consider, what if I was given a fresh start in life, what would I get rid of? Let go? 2019 is an overhaul, how do I want to be rebuilt. I'm not talking about adding anything in. I'm talking about running forward and letting all that doesn't matter get left in the dust."

He is so close with us through it all. When I look at the larger things in life, I could easily think of several things on the daily that I could get rid of that just don't matter, and potentially in the same reaction, my life would matter just a little bit more, maybe, combining it with the things that really do matter. I want to leave it all behind. Because maybe this part of life really is too short. I've been able to see through my eyes and the eyes of others the depth of impact that someone can have on your life, and many others. Let's strive to be that person too. Now I'm asking, Jesus, what is the most important thing I can do right now? And I think sometimes we might even be surprised by the answer, sometimes the most important thing, doesn't seem like those big important tasks we would be known for…but it's actually those tasks that we will be known for, or that make a difference (though seemingly small).

So I'm over here cleaning out my closets once again (figuratively and literally). I'm just so ready to let go. I'm running forward (again both figuratively and literally).  He is in all that matters, and if He's not in it, perhaps it really don't matter. And friends, through it all, He is with us. This year has been the year of anticipation. I don't know about you, but I usually think of anticipation as exciting and thrilling, and all things good. But God, this isn't fun, or good, or wanted. Yet, that wasn't ever actually what it was about. It was anticipating what God was going to do each calendar day of the year. I know He's been setting in motion more good than I know in His preposterous and inexplicable ways, but I'm just now really learning that in the hard days, the grief, the emotions we're not sure how to handle, I can keep anticipating in that too. He is working undoubtedly through it all and I have just as much anticipation now to see Jesus show up in this too. Keep looking. Keep watching. Keep anticipating, especially now. It's crazy. I wonder how much I've missed because I wasn't expecting to see Him here too. He's been here all along, always.


Hold on a little tighter.
Cherish a little deeper.
Pray a little harder.
Live for what matters.

hannaH ♡